he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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