I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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