Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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