What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
