the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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