Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
