I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
