Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
