During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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