I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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