My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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