i need an iv and a liver transplant
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
