I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
