my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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