Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
