Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
