No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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