I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
