I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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