New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
