He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
