The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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