He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
