My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
