how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
