I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
