It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
