Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
