I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
