I wanna passion pit in your ass
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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