she woke up with a sticky ear
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
