cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dignity is for republicans.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
