please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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