you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
