I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
