dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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