I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just pee around me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
