He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
