Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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