I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just found puke in my bra..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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