The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
