It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
