You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need to sanitize my soul.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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