Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
