I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
