Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
