if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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