I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
PANTIES FOUND
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