My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
