I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
